Bono and Jesus

The latest Must have...

2010-06-02T09:54:00.008+01:00

I was driving my kids to school this morning when
I saw a jeep with a designer chicken coop on the trailer.
It was like a fancy doghouse but had a little ramp running up to it, and a picture of a chicken on the front in case you still weren't sure.

I couldnt help but smile to myself as I imagined some cash-rich yuppy who was awaiting delivery of such a thing.
Her kiddies, she vowed, would only eat real eggs from real chickens from now on. No more of those eggs that they made in factories from nuclear waste and E-numbers.

And I remembered cleaning a chicken house for a neighbour as a young lad. I rememebered the filth. Hens are dirty little fuckers. They shit everywhere.

So why go through the pain of keepin Chickens/hens yourself when You can buy a dozen free-range hens eggs for about four quid from the supermarket. . I wonder how long it is before Ms Happy-Clappy is ordering a skip and a meat cleaver,

..and of course the power washer.

Idiot baiting

2010-05-16T21:41:00.003+01:00

One wonders about the general fairness of the world. When poor dumb coutry folk decide to entertain themselves with a bit of badger baiting, stag stalking or even
hare hunting it is immediately banned. It is then down to some thin, silver-haired people with grey skin, who are rotting in some office somewhere in the capital, to dream up some severe punishments for any people who decide that its fun or entertaining to mete out cruelty to dumb animals.

Yet when ITV pay somebody millions of pounds to do it to human beings on a saturday night it is deemed OK, the putrescent pencil pushers stand by. Simon Cowel Bullies people who look like they have been bullied their whole lives, while the world watches. They come on and do their bit, be it british talent or The X factor that they claim to possess. Many people lack talent it would seem. Outstanding talent that people will pay to witness is rare, but folks who are willing to go on tv and make fools of themselves are plentiful.

The slimy, sneering Cowel goes into overdrive when the particularly deluded come on stage. He loves to belittle them, the irony of his own absent talent lost on everybody it seems. Instead of professionally and straight-forwardly telling these kids that they are deluded and talentless he turns it into a baiting session, sneering and making fun of them, like a small child pulling the legs from a Gnat.

He talks of one trick ponies but never alludes to his one and only trick. He does it every week with every comment. He points out the bad points of an act and, booooooo...

booooo...

We think he is going to vote someone off....

booooo...

He says he has saw it all before....

bbboooooooooo....

However...

you brought something new......blah...fucking blah

Yes we all thought you hated it. But you tricked us. How foolish we are to have fallen for it again considering you have about 5 different variations of this show on every year and you are a judge on all of them and you use that trick every time...

And everyone loves it. What can we call this sport I wonder? Where a vain sleaseball belittles people who would have been better off born a badger, or maybe a stag.

Well at least then they might have gotten some?

GrooveShark

2010-04-28T11:30:00.005+01:00

This website is quite simply groovy.
You can find all sorts of music which you can stream live and listen to with out
having to pay.
OK, so maybe some of you dont pay for music nowadays anyway. But it might come in handy in the coming years when the record companies are breaking down your doors and dragging you off to break rocks in some hot desert dressed in pink jump-suits while hill-billies in khaki shirts and aviator shades ride round you on horseback with shot guns and little match sticks in the corner of their mouths....

Well I am told by my source that its legal anyway.
Enjoy it while it lasts...

Grooveshark

Volcano exposed!

2010-04-19T10:24:00.007+01:00

This little pic caught my attention on Engrish this morning.
The "exposed" volcano in Iceland is causing havoc all over the world.

If you want to see more funny Engrish see the links on the blogroll yonder..

A celebrity online encounter

2010-04-16T01:23:00.004+01:00

I just spoke to the Jonas Brothers.
OK. So I need to explain.
Twenty Major told us about Chat Roulette. So I logged onto it for the laugh.
But I got nowhere. So I tried the other version, shuffle something or other. I got the usual stream of men pulling their willies and young ladies grimacing and clicking next.
But all of a sudden I got these three young lads who had no sound only text. ( but they could hear me) They asked me if I had heard of the Jonas Bros. I said I had.
I then pulled a picture of them from the net and realised it was them to whom I was speaking. Nice guys. It was mildly exciting.

So there you go, my celebrity experience....

Bring on the fear

2010-03-26T01:17:00.003Z

You wake up suddenly and without warning. There has been no nice warm-up dreams about drinking bottles of gin that taste like chocolate milkshake or swimming comfortably and very warmly in a large pool of icy cool 7up.
The dreams of a normal hangover.

You are just awake.
The natural side effects of alcohol excess are evident. A feeling of your brain being shrinked violently inside your head, the buring in your chest from one after the other cigarettes. Dryness in your throat. Sometimes shaking. But always the fear. An immediate, illogical feeling of dread. Its like your brain knows something you dont, something terrible. A feeling like you are in great danger, or have done something awful. The fear. You immediately begin to counsel yourself, convince yourself there is no need for this fear. You begin to call up memories from the previous night and nothing bad springs to mind, yet still the feelings persist.

what is this sheer anxietey? Will anything cure it? More booze? Probably, but its not an option as you have to function today, and your not sure your body can ingest any substances at the moment. You just want to gag.

You tell yourself, its the fear. It will pass. You try to convinve yourself that you have no need for anxiety. But still it persists. You know there is no cure, you will just have to ride it out.

You are warm in your bed, and you curl up tighter in the sheets and flip your pillow over to the cold side and fight to sleep...

When it comes it is soothing. Each time you wake the fear is weakened. When you do get up and do what you have to do, this fear will come with you flashing in and out slowly.

Eventually it passes. You dont always get answers, sometimes there are no answers...
sometimes it just decides to stalk you...

Its all of course a trick. A trick by your body. It wants the booze again. It wants the warm and safe feeling again... so it tries to frighten you, with the fear..
tries to get you back there again...

And it usually works.

I have not had a drink for six weeks. (As a devout Catholic)

The fear at some stage over Easter weekend will be staggering...

I'm looking forward to it...

Might go to Limerick and do it on Good Friday...

Catch a Rubber bandits gig..

wooha..

Cant wait

back to CDs for me..

2010-03-22T10:46:00.004Z

So what was so wrong with CDs? You could listen to them anywhere. In your car, out jogging, on a bus, in your home...anywhere. They were limitless.
OK, so now you can carry around the equivalent of 300 Cds in a box the size of a cigarette packet. You can have 298 CDs that you will never listen to, and the two that you bought this week. Hell, I can carry 2 CDs if need be. I only listen to CDs in my car and that has a boot that would definitley take 300 CDs if I wanted to always have 'Now 6' at my fingertips...

When you upgraded from an old version of windows to a newer version of windows, your CD's stayed the same. They still sat there in their little cases stacked neatly and tidily in racks. They didnt suddenly disappear. You didn't suddenly have to start searching through endless folders looking for music that you had actually bought legitimately. In fact you could throw your computer out the window, listen to it smash into a million pieces below, remove a cd from its cover and place it in your player and listen to your hearts content. You could also realize that the former action where initially satisfying may lead to some consternation at a later date.

I have made a concious decision today. No more of my money will itunes be getting.
The bastards. Download once and fuck off! Dont come back pestering us. We dont care if you gave us 9.99 for 'sigh no more' last week. You should have backed up!

I might start buying CDs again, though I think you can only get Susan Boyle now. But I supposed I could get used to her.
Then I suppose, I could start backing...

Ebay

2010-03-03T10:38:00.002Z

ebay is Fantastic.
It brings buying things that you really dont need to a whole new level...

From Pixmania

2010-02-08T09:39:00.003Z

Dear Mr Crea

Following your request to cancell your order, we register your cancellation but mean time it has been dispatched from our warehouse and given to DHL

This is what Pixmania had said to me. Now in fairness to them I had phoned to cancel the order a whole 10 minutes after I had placed it. Well, I hadnt phoned to cancel it, I had phoned to add to the order and the nice and helpful Indian sounding man on the other end told me the best thing to do would be to cancel my existing order and make a new order. Right I said, cancel it and I'll just re-order it plus the other item which I wanted.

But being the cynic that I am, and with my past experiences of helpful sounding people in distant lands on the ends of telephone lines... I waited. I did not place the new order, and this morning this email was waiting in my inbox. Well I am not going to post the whole email, the most important line which opened the email is posted above in italics.

So if you ever feel that what you have discussed with a representative of a company sounds great, but you have a feeling in your stomach that it wont work out and that if you do decide to go ahead and re-order your item plus the additional item then you will in fact end up with two of your original items because you are a bit cynical...
Well there is probably a reason for your cynicism, its called experience... They are all idiots and you are better just to get your order right the first time because they dont do anything complicated...

Think before you click!

I need to lie down..

SAm C

Award ceremonies...

2010-01-19T17:50:00.007Z

I heard during the week that James Cameron had a four million dollar Oscar war-chest.
Thats 4,000,000 dollars to wine, dine and sixty-nine a few thousand people who are members of the Academy. Thats what happens behind the scenes it seems. There is a lot of wining and dining, and where the sixty-nining may not necessarily come into it, a large amount of arse licking much kow-towing and general subservience...

It reminded me a bit of some other award ceremonies/competitions... its all a bit sick if you ask me...

to make a complaint about Susan boyle's hideousness press 7 now..

2009-12-14T10:19:00.004Z

So are people complaining more nowadays because they are more conservative or is it just easier to complain, and therefore just developing into a lazy bunch of bitches?

When Jonaton Ross and the so-called comedian fellow made fun of Manuel on the phone, there were *3.5 million complaints to the BBC. Yet there were probably *no compaints when he was taking the piss out of spicks by playing an idiotic waiter in a comedy show *20 years ago.

But now you can zip off a badly-spelt email in a matter of minutes and have it sent in the time it takes to fire up i-tunes to buy the latest single that Simon Cowel has said you should buy..

I mean if you were to go looking for a pen and paper, and actually write it and then find an envelope... and then actually walk to the post office and buy a stamp and actually post it...
Well, no wonder they got away with all that racism and shit before the internet and email came
along..

*Figures may not be accurate, because I haven't researched them

Rant

2009-11-02T10:03:00.003Z

Whats Pissing me off at the moment?

Bill cullen on the television with his band of brainless cretins...(but I have to watch)

the red 'X' seemingly burning itself onto my retinas all weekend long no matter what channel I flick to and no matter what time. I concede that its simple entertainment for simple people but why do the rest of us have to suffer so much of it? And I hope the mad twins with the hair win, because they are from Dublin, but I just hope its all over soon...

Bill Cullen on the radio, this morning talking about who should or should not strike. What business is it of his? He is a millionaire and isnt qualified to comment on what ordinary working people should be doing. (unless of course its buying shitty Renault cars)

People giving oxygen to that knacker from BallyFermot who is pissing on about apparitions of some Bird down in Mayo? Who gives a fuck? Don't be filling our column inches with such Garbage..

The God-damned rain, and the fucking darkness...

And the cold...

And as for that Ginger-minged eco-warrior David Mcwilliams I just wish that some hole would open up and swallow the fucking annoying, coin phrasing, know-all little prick.

Thats all for this morning, I need to refill my coffee pot..

Sam C

Inglourious Basterds

2009-08-26T08:56:00.003+01:00

I dont think I hated this film. But I'm not quite sure.

It is definitely way too long, and the reason for it is simple, Tarantino makes all of his scenes too long. There are some nice scenes in this film and some nice acting, but others let it down badly. Brad Pitt is hopeless, unconvincing and thoroughly un-menacing as the brutal Nazi-Killer.

There is one simple story line and it takes a ridiculously long time to come about. I am not sure what message he is trying to get across in this film, but in the end it is a muddle of cinematic history, ultra violence and little else.

The ultra violence is served up sparingly, after long bouts of tense(ish) build ups. In one scene we get to meet "The Bear" one of the Inglourious, and there is an unbearably long wait for the club wielding bastard to come in to view. The problem is, that its not tension or fear unbearable - its tedium unbearable.

The clever movie reviewers at the New York Times, will be able to tell you all the famous movie references and style references etc. etc. But for me I just want to be entertained, and was to some degree. But Tarantino fell down at the most crucial stage, that of The Story. The film is basically a collage of loosely related scenes that lead up to the story which comes to view after 2 hours of the movie have passed.

I'm sure that a lot of people will enjoy this film, but for me I like a film to make me think or to laugh or even to scare the life out of me. It did the latter a couple of times, and I found myself covering my eyes at some of the gory bits.

I think this is basically a comic book trying to be a movie. Its all meaningless dialogue pasted around lots of pretty pictures filled with action and 2 dimensional characters.

I know Tarantino fans think the man is God, so to them I say sorry, but I think I did hate this film.

Oh, and I did spot the Mike Meyers Cameo and was duly unimpressed with his flagging british accent. (public school educated british army types tend not to have scratchy accents that come in and out mike!)

SAm

Learn from the Rain Man Uncle Sam!

2009-08-01T03:43:00.003+01:00

Gary McKinnon a man from the UK who suffers from Aspergers syndrome, a form of Autism, is to be extradited to the US for hacking the US military. It seems the man was something of a UFO nut and wanted to find out what the US knew about extra terrestrial life. He hacked a number of Top US military Navy and army sites, and now they want him, and they are going to punish him..

Fuck that. Surely they should be sending a private jet for the guy to come over and tell their so-called technology-security people what they are doing wrong and how they can avoid being infiltrated by genuinely threatening people. Fuck it, give the guy some Khaki pants, a lamenated ID card that he can wear at waist level and a leather laptop bag... make him head of US military something or other.. But dont punish the guy..
I'm not saying he is innocent, and the yanks are claiming he left their sytems open to other intruders, but surely they need to use this as a learning experience.

I say give this guy a break. Dont lock him up. Lock up the fuckers who built a vulnerable security system, or better still fire their asses. Hire this Rain man guy, and on the weekends he'll count cards for them in Vegas so they can get back the 700k he supposedly cost the US.

He highlighted a vulnerability, in my mind he may have saved them money or maybe more..

Give this guy a break...

Sam C

Friends, who needs em?

2009-07-12T11:44:00.002+01:00

Ah.... Whats with the shirt?

What?

Did you loose a bet?

The shop was closing. I tried it on. It fitted me.

But its digusting... You look like an eastern European Country and Western fan.

It cost sixty quid. I have to get a certain number of wears out of it..

Why didnt you return it?

When?

When you realized it was fucking disgusting..

Its not that bad? Five more wears I reckon I need..

Right. I'll see you in six weeks then...

Laters..

Wiki-pedia (it even sounds Very Vicki Pollard)

2009-07-08T02:58:00.003+01:00

Saying according to Wikipedia is a bit like saying

this bloke down the pub told me...

It might be 100% accurate, but then it might be a lot of rubbish.

So remember that when you say according to Wikipedia

we are only half listening. (especially the ones who have made some dubious wikipedia entries)

Its just meant to be fun you know...

2009-06-16T02:43:00.002+01:00

OK, so I saw the New Terminator Film. And yes I took the Wee-Lad, and he loved it.
It is chock full of great special effects and some wonderful action scenes that distract you expertly from the lack of any real story line. But then when it is full of cool robots and flying machines and robot motorcycles, who needs to worry about questions concerning the space-time-continuum?

If you are going to start asking questions of a movie about its adherence to the laws of physics then you are probably better off avoiding most films that depend on special effects guys to entertain you.

Maybe you should see a nice serious film where all the players have been nominated by illustrious academies for their work. Christian Bale wont be one of them.

Its fun and a bit gritty, and you just shouldn't ask how highly advanced computer assassin robots take swiping blows at the central protagonist so to knock him over a bit instead of aiming a single deadly blow to begin with.

And you know before you go in that they cant possibly finish the story, I mean end a franchise? Is it mad you are?
(they cant go down the whole 'Prequel' route because that would just mess with our heads too much..)

Go on, suspend your disbelief. you may find you enjoy it.

Thanks for reading.

SAm

a simplistic view of the Irish economy

2009-06-09T02:08:00.004+01:00

Look, two years ago you were buying brand new cars that had about 5 to 10 grand worth of VRT lumped on top of them. If your not going to buy those cars anymore then they (the government) are going to have to get the aforementioned 5 to 10 grand from you some other way, namely via the good old income tax system. Its very simple; if you dont want to pay them the money the fun way, by buying stuff and donating tax that way, then they are going to have to take it directly from your pay packet. Its very, very simple. They need X amount of cash to run the country and we will give it to them the easy way or the hard way. It is that simple.

Now spend for gods sake and lets get ourselves out of this. We are not a master of industry type country. We buy stuff, and it gets taxed. We make stuff invented in other countries and benefit with the jobs and a minute slice of their tax take. If you can come up with a new way of running the country then it had better involve some new indigenous natural resource that we havent found yet to exploit. We are a nation of contractors. Its what we are good at, so lets get back to it and stop all this fucking whinging because nobody is going to pay us to whinge.

Thanks for reading

SAm C

Crosaire revisited...

2009-06-04T13:41:00.002+01:00

I love crosaire sometimes.

It can take me over an hour to get as far as I can.

Crosaire for the uninitiated is the cryptic crossword in the Irish Times

Crosaire

Sometimes I get loads done, and other days I just cant get started at all, but when you start to get the hang of it, it can be very satisfying.

It is not a five minutes and a cup of coffee job. It takes time. But now I have discovered some Irish guy living in San Fran who can help, and if your a bit of a Crosaire struggler like myself you might like to check him out..

here's the link

Crosaire Blog

whats ahead? Terminators!

2009-06-03T00:47:00.004+01:00

I have taken to enjoying Film anticipation recently. I find it is more enjoyable anticipating a film than actually seeing it. In fact most films turn out to be shit. The only film I truly enjoyed recently(i'm talking couple of years), that was meant for me, was "No country for old men" and it didnt really stand up to re-viewing on DVD. "There will be blood" was goodish but too long and Day Lewis lost the plot in the closing scenes. "The dark Knight" was watchable but over hyped and in my opinion a very average film that strived to me more. And wasnt.

The movie I am anticipating this week is "Terminator Salvation". I am afraid to see it. I am a Terminator Fan, and can even grudgingly watch the third one, cause my son loves it. I have it built up in my head to be great for some reason and the trailers I have seen have me prepared for a great film. But the reviews are luke-warm and I am afraid to knock this "great" movie from its pedestal in my mind.

My son who is almost four thinks I am bringing him to see it, but his mother has said definitely
NO, and who am I to argue. Its just its advertised on every bus in Dublin and he spots every one.
do you know that tune, I am humming it right now...

de-de, de-de-de, de-de-de- de-de DE DE!

There may be trouble Ahead!

Plodding

2009-05-26T01:26:00.003+01:00

Are we all Plodding through life?

In one article in This Sundays Times, Jeremy Clarkson talks about our plodding through life and not really doing anything. I presume that he meant that we were all just getting up every day and doing the same old routines and basically waiting for death. He backs up his argument with his other article in the paper which is about driving around London in his 500 horse-power Mercedes, speed cameras and speeding in general.

I presume he wrote about the Plodding after he wrote the hackneyed, cliched piece on speed cameras and Mercedes. Its his speciality, railing against liberals and regulation in general. And I think thats why I like to read him. Not every week, but every so often I like to read about how he hates cyclists and vegetarians and people who drive slowly. I plod through life, but enjoy life too.

I like that when I read clarkson, I know I will get a few cheap laughs at the expense of people who think they are making the world a better place, but are really just making it annoying for the rest of us.

I suspect that writing his umpteenth article about this sort of thing has given him the Plodding feeling. But his target audience are the plodders of the world, I suspect that few who read his articles about 200 thousand euro vehicles could ever dream of buying them. We are plodders reading his plodding, and from the comfort of our own sofas and without having to think too much about it we have a laugh and dont have to spend any more than 2.50 to do so.

Plod on Clarky!

Kit kat now.

2009-05-18T23:21:00.002+01:00

How about a moratorium?
All bloggers should have to refrain from political commentary for an agreed period.
They could all temporarily become foodies, travel writers or maybe dolphin spotters.
Look, come up with something.
Stop reminding us about what a shower of scally-wags the majority of politicans are.
We know what they are. We know about their expenses. We know about their short-comings and most importantly we know that its the constant bleating in the papers about it that keeps them somewhat in-check.
But look, for about two-weeks can we have some Jam recipes or something? maybe some carefully written articles on where you like to spend your weekends, or you could post those first two pages that you have written of your best-seller!

Do it.

It really doesn't matter who wins the local elections.

It really doesnt.

Give us sunshine.

Recession depression makes me smile..

2009-04-07T02:34:00.002+01:00

I havent heard anyone talking about the value of their house this year. Or indeed what one (slightly bigger, and with a conservatory) 'went for' just around the corner. Not that they'd dream of selling of course, the neighbours are all fabulous....

And nobody has asked me for ages when I am going to get a real job, because it is suddenly acceptable to just have a job, and not some far reaching world-dominating aspirations, that we all seemed to have before.
This recession is great fun.
Fuck it, kick back with a can of cheap lager and enjoy the ride.

And to Anne-Marie H in the Irish times bitching about the price of drink, have you been to the cinema in Dublin recently? Or to dinner in any of its restaurants? or fucking bowling? Show me anything that isnt over-priced in Dublin. Maybe you could start a blog or regular column in the IT dedicated to forms of entertainment that cost too much in Dublin. You'd never run out of material. Next week, Anne Marie discovers Irish Concert prices are a fucking rip-off! And you can still get tickets for the third U2 concert a week after launch, who said a recession couldnt make you smile.

Have I asked you this before?

2009-02-26T13:06:00.002Z

Have you ever had a case of delayed dejavu? It occurs usually the day after an event, or maybe after several hours. You think back and feel like it had happened to you before. Or if you met a person for the first time, and you think later on that you had met that person before. Normally dejavu is associated with instantaneousness. It occurs right as the incident is happening. Its inexplicable often, and usually hard to pin down exactly how you feel its happened before. Its often hard to pin down what aspect of the event feels as though has happened before. Its just a flash in your brain. But the experience I am trying to pin down is a delyed version of this. I think it could be a new type of madness. Maybe someone will write a book about me and even call the syndrome after me. I'm not sure but I keep meeting new people and the next day I am sure I have met them before. Now we dont need any smart Alec's pointing out that when I am thinking on a Monday about someone I met on the sunday before, that I had met them before that i had indeed met them before. The previous day. It was Sunday. Thats not what I mean and you know it. I mean I feel like I met them somewhere before Sunday. And no I dont mean maybe it was Saturday sure you were at Mass on Sunday and then you went to your parents for tea and went home to bed and didnt meet anybody, it must have been Saturday. (or as Matt Cooper would say sah-er-day) I dont think I'm explaining this very well, and its nearly time for my pills, so i'll leave it to you. Maybe you can explain it to me, I await links...

PS

If you are a mental health professional and recognize actual symptons of a real mental problem here, please keep it to yourself.
-SAm

May I be the first to say..

2009-02-20T03:39:00.005Z

With all the Doom and Gloom that is going on, and the fear that is being struck in our hearts about how we are all to loose our jobs, and become destitute, and all the revelations about what a crowd of shysters are in charge of this country and the total lack of regard they have for us , may I be the first to say, that at least..

There is a great stretch in the evenings!

I'm going to hell, of that there is no doubt..

2009-01-22T17:32:00.002Z

When I finally get there, it will be a large shopping center with myriad escalators and levels,
and all the shops I will need will be on the other level, and there will be those map things, which I will only ever be able to spot when they are on a different level. And I'll spend eternity going up and down escalators, trying to either get to a shop I want, or trying to get to one of those map thingies which will invariably send me in the wrong direction, when I mis-interpret the "You are Here" as "where the man near you who is facing in the opposite direction" is.. There will probably be kids in tow as well, I mean we are talking Hell here, so I suppose 2 or 3 little brats nipping at your heels like 2 little jack russells pleading to be carried and fed, and everybody suffering from chronic tiredness, and all you want to do is get out to the car and drive, but then you'll forget where you parked and when you finally do get back to the car you get lost in a maze of roundabouts, and you begin to wish you had lived a better life and you could be drinking tea in heaven now with the good people like Dana and Daniel.

The Meeting

2009-01-19T16:54:00.003Z

RMN What the Hell is going on over there? Where did they all go?

TM Its gone very quiet sir, especially since the old Sea-Dog disappeared from the radar. no pun intended sir.

RMN and that God-Damned dope-Fiend Monkey?

TM He's been -ahem, gone for a while now sir.
Yes sir, he's been taken care of..

RMN Well explain to me then what in the name of all that is mighty is going on over there?

TM Well it seems that some of them have been returning to their blogs sir,
` sir, some of them have been linking directly..

RMN What the hell kind of outfit are you runnning over there? Have some SS guys go over and burn these god-damned
Blogs to the Ground! And if they start up again, Drag them from their beds into the streets in front of their
homes, strip them naked and beat them like dogs until they comply!

Now, is there anything esle i should know?

TM Well, its Crea sir, intel indicates he's been reading Thompson again. He's been seen pacing the sidewalk
outside his home at 4am jabbering into a cell-phone about the need for editing and something about
Haemorrhoids!

RMN Have you-know-who take care of him.

TM Sir, your not recording this conversation are you?
How would the transcripts look?

RMN Exactly like this Pig-Fucker!

Gangs of New York

2009-01-16T02:21:00.001Z

I just re-watched this and have to say it is great.
I remember not liking it at the time, but its worth a re-view,
Day Lewis is at his best, and there are some great gory battle scenes,
and of course we Irish love being mentioned in any Film..
See can you spot Marty Scorcese's Cameo..

where have I been?

2009-01-12T12:41:00.001Z

Isnt it funny how all the lazy, half arsed bloggers who sniffed around the Twentymajor.net blog, all stopped blogging at around the same time. Namely when the forum started up, and suddenly 3 lines was a long offering and their own blogs just became too much work, and hardly anybody read them anyway, and now by using The Majors name on his forum they could post and get lots of comments..

or was it just me..

Peaceful President?

2008-10-08T15:44:00.003+01:00

I spent ages yesterday watching youtubes of the vice-presidential election, and the spoof version thereof. I also watched the many little snippets of Sarah Palin interviews, and of all the crazy statements she seemed to make. The main ones in my opinion were

When asked about Georgia and Ukraines admittance to NATO, if she thought the US would go to war with Russia should they invade either of these countries(as members of NATO), she answered "I guess so"
Asked about withdrawal of Troops from Iraq, she spoke of how they would be re-deployed to Afghanistan to hunt down extremists
asked about breaching Pakistani borders without their consent in the pursuit of Terrorists, she said she believed they would do whatever was necessary to hunt down these evil Terrorists..

These are just 3 examples. They are all foreign policy/ National Security Issues. But they were the three things that came to mind last night as I watched the Presidential debate. All day I had in my mind how important it was that the American people vote for Obama. That Palin and McCain were evil war mongerers and Bullies, and would be dangerous people to have in the White house.
Then I watched the Presidential Debate from Tennessee.

I heard Obama talking about a lot of issues, but the ones that struck me were

his insistence that Georgia and Ukraine should be admitted to NATO regardless of consequences for US/Russian relations
he talked about a structured withdrawal from Iraq, but then a re-deployment to Afghanistan, to hunt down Osama BinLaden.
He said when asked, that The US should do whatever is necessary to attack terrorists operating in Pakistan, with or wothout Pakistani government cooperation.
He said he would hunt down and kill Osama Bin Laden. He talked of how these poeple were plotting right now to kill Americans. He talked the old Fear talk, and I lost faith there and then..

Maybe you could argue its none of my business who runs another country. But up till this debate last night I thought we had a real possibility for change, a real possibility for a new era in American forign policy, but I was wrong. Obama is as belligerent as Palin or McCain, he just has a more polished way of saying things. So who they vote for now, I dont care. It doesnt matter to me who gets the tax breaks in the US, or who gets the best medicare deal, its their Foreign policies that affect us the most, and it seems to me that it will continue as before, regardless of who is in the Oval office.

Wider thinking..

2008-10-07T15:51:00.003+01:00

It could be argued that I am no expert on the Demographics of the United states.
But surely Sarah Palin is limiting the scope of of her appeal by singling out moms who play soccer, and men with well-toned abdominal muscles? shouldnt she broaden her field of vision?

A crook of Wall street.

2008-09-22T10:33:00.004+01:00

Do you remember that famous tongue in cheek statement made by every mobster in every mob film that ever came out of HollyWood? Just at the End when they had been arrested, after ninty minutes of watching them murder, maim and maraud you could hear them say to the arresting officers:

"Why dont you go down to Wall Street and arrest some real Crooks"

and of course you'd laugh at their ironical brazenness. The very idea that these street thugs who had no respect for law and order could call in to question people who worked hard and within the confines of the law, was laughable.

But , as we all know, Hollywood is there to educate as well as to entertain. Film makers dont just want to keep you amused for 90 minutes, they want to convey a message. They are as you are well aware, Artists. The Guardian Film reviewers who studied english at Oxford, will talk about juxtapoistion, and correlations and even subtle ironies. But of course what we learned this week is this:

"Wall street is full of crooks"

I think what the film makers were trying to say when Their cheeky mobster tells the cops to go arrest some real criminals down Wall Street was:

"Wall Street is full of Crooks"

Older viewers may have gotten this already, but some of the younger ones like myself, had to experience the recent accounting scandals, and more recently the fraud carried out by the big banks in America, before we realised these mobsters were not being ironic.

I say fraud, because that is exactly what has been carried out by the likes of Lehman Brothers. But I just cant decide who they were defrauding:

Was it the Ninja (no income no job or assets) customers who they sold mortgages to on properties in some cases worth less than the mortgage?
Was it the US government, who you would presume by definition were ensuring they were carrying on business responsibly?
Was it their employess who worked long hours, and were loyal to a company who spat them out like sour grapes. (I'm not talking about the high ranking decision makers here)
Was it themselves (I am talking about the high ranking decision makers here)

The important question now is, Who will pay for this awful mess? This mess which was created by a criminal enterprise. I am not getting all conspiricy theorist here, or going lefty nuts. This was a crime carried out by criminals. It was a fraud. It is illegal to loan money to somebody who cannot pay it back. They did this on a huge scale. They made huge short term profits on the back of the sale of all these "Products". They ( the high ranking decision makers at Lehman) paid themselves exorberant bonuses and got very rich, on paper at least. What happened next and how the bank came to collapse, none of the egg-head economists in the papers or on tv can explain. They will talk of how these "Products" were repackaged and sold on the "International Markets" as securities or some other Bollocks. But what I dont understand is, if they were sold on to somebody else, then Hows come theys gone bust?

I am beginning to think that people who I took to be experts, are just about as expert as me, and dont really know what the fuck happened this bank? But the long and short of it was, that they lent money to poor people so it bolstered their loan book, and their share price rose as did the many bonuses of the the top brass. But when the poor people couldnt make the payments, and this was the case it seems in an awful lot of cases, it all went to Fuck, as Shakespear might have said.

So back to the question. Who will pay? Well who is already paying? Yes you guessed it, Joe Public. The US goverment is rowing in with 700 billion dollars to stop the US financial sytem collapsing. (it doesnt matter that I dont understand what the 700 billion is for, i'll just make a sweeping statement, and as I am now an economics commentator you'll take my word for it)
The British government had to bail out Northern Rock, and now even Biffo and the boys are increasing their deposit guarantee from 20k to 100k. We dont want a run now do we??
And who will pay for all of this shit in the from of taxes, higher interst rates etc. etc. (I told you I'm a commentator now) Yes, you and me. Joe and Josephine.

This has gone on far too long - this post I mean, so I will sum up. If I go and defraud a little old lady out of eighty grand by selling her a dodgy financial package and get caught, I can go to jail.
And quite rightly. So why not this guerilla of Wall street Fellow. Why is he not being hunted down like Al capone. Is there really 2 sets of rules for 2 sets of people?

It turns out The mobsters were right, Wall street is where real crooks are, but just another strain, no better or no worse.

The Rock stars are all dead!

2008-08-28T14:01:00.003+01:00

"You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,

I don't wanna live for ever,"

Thats From "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead. Thats what rock songs used to sound like. I have been listening to this song in the car as part of a compilation of old songs I made up. And it has set me to thinking...

Are todays pop/rock stars really fulfilling their obligations?

Now Motorhead were a bit before my time, and I am not a fan of them necessarrily, but Lemmy, the Jack Daniels for breakfast and day-long amphetamine guzzler it seems epitomizes what rock stars used to be, what they used to do For us. They created a vicarious wild-side, for us.

Think The Stones, Iggy Pop, ACDC, (you could probably include the Dubliners here) etc. etc.

Not only did these people produce great songs/music, but they played with energy, intensity and more importantly with Passion. Kurt cobain tried to do this, but he couldnt handle it when he got there. He didnt have star quality, notwithstanding his musical talents.

Am I missing something with todays music? Or, is it just missing me or not relevant to me? who are the great rockstars of the 21st century?

Bono?
Chris Martin?
Tom Yorke?
Michael Stype?

These guys all produce music that I like to listen to now.

But i dont envy them. I dont have a dirty side to me wishing I could be them.

"You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live for ever,"

This is not a sensible way to think.
You should want to:

Work harder, achieve more, marry, have kids, pay the mortgage, play golf, holiday in France, pay your taxes, play by the rules.

The question I'm posing is, what do we want from music today?
if we want nice music for the background while we enjoy dinner parties with vacuous middle class friends, then I suppose coldplay will suffice.
But if we want to assuage our Darker sides, the side that miss-behaves and Lusts and doesnt give a fuck, then we need to crank it to eleven and listen to real music that doesnt want us to buy organic, or save the fucking planet, or give a shit about third world debt. music is our time. Dont invade it, its the time when we are really alive, at least until we have to collect the kids from creche, or put the bins out or whatever, Nevermind!

neverending Ball

2008-08-25T10:04:00.003+01:00

I'm thinking of organizing a ball.
It will be called "The third Policemans' Ball".
Of course there was no first or second event, we shall skip straight to the third..
Now everyone should of course arrive by bicycle,
the ownership of which they may not have,
but one thing should be certain, it should be lamp-less.
Shiny buttons, Red faces, redder moustaches...
On every table a bucket of strawberry jam..
And of course after a long nights drinking and utter absurdity,
you would find yourself not leaving, but arriving again on your illicit cylce,
And again the night would start, but never end...

blankety blank

2008-08-07T17:40:00.004+01:00

I do all my best blogging off line.
Its a shame really cause nobody will ever get to see them.
When I am driving the car, working behind the bar, walking in the park,
sitting on the toilet,

in fact when I am doing anything, bar sitting in front of the PC,

I can come up with great stuff.

But sit me in front of the PC and my mind goes blanker than a politicians at a tribunal.

Head scarf Ban, now!

2008-07-28T20:30:00.002+01:00

How is it that when Driving in Ireland you are not allowed to;

Drink
Use a mobile phone
Suffer from blindness..

But you are allowed to drive while wearing a religious headscarf that may cause you to suddenly change lanes, without seeing whether or not there is somebody already in your intended lane.

How about a liberalism-defying 'headscarf while driving ban'?

Am I being Racist? Am I inciting people to dislike people because of their religious beliefs?
Or do I just want to arrive safely at my intended destination?

I'll let you decide..

SAm crea - Romantic Notions.....

2008-07-28T02:35:00.004+01:00

I have just been reading twenty majors' Blog about carefree summers of youth.
twenty Major
It brought me back to being a young lad too, where summer holidays meant shorts and t-shirt, dusk till dawn.

Friends were always close by, and play dates weren't organized, they were spontaneous and daily.
You had your haunts, and you had your friends, and little else. There was no money, no fancy bikes or gadgets. There were bikes though, when your brother grew out of his old one. Fancy day trips were a rarity, and nobody was afraid.

Sure you were warned not to talk to strangers, but you were allowed out to play and so were your pals. There were no bouncy castles or professional entertainment at birthday partys. Just lots of kids and sweets, and that was all you needed to have a great day.

A day trip to the beach meant preparing sandwiches, not stopping off at spar, and certainly not going to Mc Donalds.

I am not trying to sound too romantic , we are better off now in a lot of ways than we were then (I'm talking about being a kid in the 80's). People have more comforts, better jobs and more money. But I am afraid that we are losing site of the most precious commodity of all, Time.
We are spending more time going to work, and getting there, more time doing all these other activities and forgetting about the simple things.

We need to just sit on the front wall, with our kids playing in the garden, and just shoot the breeze.
No barbeques or gazeebos, just your family and your neighbours next door doing the same, and all the kids mingling like they used to. No texts about what time they will be collected,

just kids playing,

And adults sitting, and chatting, and enjoying the weather.

Greatest Sitcom??

2008-07-25T01:29:00.002+01:00

So what is the greatest Sitcom?

I have been watching sitcoms for as long as I can remember. The earliest I can remember is different strokes and the Cosby show. I liked Cheers when I was way too young to like it. I watched Seinfeld after it finished airing, bought all the episodes and declared it the greatest ever. Then came curb, Pretty Good. Pre-tty, Pre-tty, pre-tty Good. What is the greatest sitcom? Fill me in.. I have seen them all...

The Barman has spoken.

2008-07-19T02:50:00.000+01:00

I love to read Manuels blog about being a waiter,

Manuels Blog

as I work in a similar position myself, namely as a barman.. I have always threatened to write a bit about it, so here is my top ten points, as to how you can be a better bar customer...

1. Dont wave, click your fingers, say excuse me etc. etc. Wait your turn and you'll be served.
2. Coffee is served in coffee shops, restaurants and alcoholics anonymous meetings.
3. Never approach a Barman with a food menu in your hand, as he is sure to find something else to do in the opposite direction.
4. If you'r pint is bad, tell me; If the Band are shit, tell them!
5. NO! We cant show the big brother/britains got talent finals.
Tv's are for sports and News.
6. The Barman doesnt actually want to hear about your day, but he'll listen, for a limited time, dont outstay your welcome.
7.The barman doesnt give a flying-fiddlers-fuck how much 2 bottles of bud and 2 bacardi breezers cost on whatever flea-pit Spanish island from which you just returned.
8. If the Barman says you have enough, forget about it! Any amount of convincing about how you are grand, and that your only after coming out will be utterly futile. No Barman has ever gone back on a decision to refuse. Ever.
9. Dont ever tell a barman to cheer up, smile, look like he is enjoying himself! He will think you are an utter prick and ignore you later when its busy and are trying to order your Corona with Lime.
10. The Barman knows that Corona comes with a slice of lime in the neck, and that pint bottles of Bulmers come with a pint of ice, so dont over-elaborate your order, we know, its been ordered before.

If this list (just off the top of my head) makes me seem like an odious prick, then it has been more accurate than I thought. if it doesnt then I need ot work on it. I may do a new list some other time after more thought.

Profit Restraint Now! - sam crea

2008-07-15T12:14:00.000+01:00

Watching the one o ' clock news, I see some bitch from the small firms association saying we should shave a euro off the minimum wage. She said ours is second highest in EU, second only to Luxembourgh. She also pointed out that it is double that of our friends in the United States.

So according to this lady, we should be striving to be more like the US, and a lot less like Luxembourg.

Small firms are in trouble, they may not make as much profit in the downturn, so why not cut the wages of the poorest people in the country. Why not take an extra forty quid a week off some lad who is giving it a go, and working a shitty job to pay his way. Why not make it more economical for him to sit on his arse and collect the dole.

You could argue that she represents an interest group and their interests are her primary concern.
I just wish that this organization could get a representative, with slightly more polished PR,
the last fellow they had was a complete fucker as well. How about some patronizing babble about, rethinking, or restructuring pay at least. Dont just tell us your cutting it by a euro and fuck you!!
Are all small firm owners wankers? Are these people just indicative of all the members?

How about some profit restraint?
Why is it always pay restraint?

How about some respect for the people that keep your fucking companies alive and kicking?

Jesus she was some bitch,

She really got my blood boiling..

SAm Crea

Hitler!

2008-07-15T07:21:00.000+01:00

Are there any Hitlers out there? I mean people with the surname hitler. Have all the hitlers that ever existed become extinct? I'd imagine it could be a bit of a mood killer on a second date..

"So whats your surname?"

"ah, em well, I meant to change it, but actually.."

I dont think there would be a third date.

When you google hitler, you get a million or so sites about the German Nazi leader, and all that he did. However there are no Hitler hotels, no Hitler autopart dealers, There are no Hitler and Hitler Solicitors or Financial advisors. It seems they have all gone, they are extinct.

Where have all the Hitlers gone...

Tesco Marketing Genuis!

2008-06-26T19:57:00.000+01:00

So there I was, scanning through a Glossy advertisement magazine which had been inserted in my paper by the Boffins over at Tesco.
They had a most interesting offer;
Free with every ipod purchased : 2 free Cd's.
I read it twice to make sure I wasnt mistaken, and yes they had a picture of the 2 CD's which you would receive,
on purchasing this electronic music file player,
Just in case you werent sure what a great deal you were getting.

So I was wondering what great Deals I could expect from everybody's favourite Retailer in the future.

Free ream of paper with every Blackberry Purchased?

Free push-bike with every motor cycle purchased here!

Free 'Set of Cans and lenght of string' with every mobile telephone purchased?

I hear next month they will be offering a Free gramophone player with every ipod sold, but thats only after they run out of CD's..

Maybe I could get a job over at Tesco Marketing..

Monkees to the rescue

2008-06-21T03:00:00.000+01:00

This is a reply to PP's blog about his trip to the ZOO.
I was telling him about a swan getting caught in some netting,
and how the Monkees (not sure which type they were) were very concerned
and tried to help them.
Its from a few years ago, and the shot isnt great but you get the picture...

SAm C

Energy Conservation

2008-06-02T20:15:00.000+01:00

The Whole world is gone energy conservation mad.
We have alarmist lefties on every medium telling us that we are all going to destroy the planet....

Blah!

Well here is my contribution to Energy conservation..

1. I am only going to buy pre-sliced cheese from now on..
2. I am going to stop crossing out the solutions as I solve them in crosswords
3. I am not going to re-button my fly after the toilet, unless I am leaving the house.

Its only 3 simple steps, but I feel its a step in the right direction,
The direction of a safer, greener Planet!

Thanks for listening.

SAm - Conservationst

Popstars and their Charity singles

2008-05-26T20:05:00.000+01:00

Have you ever heard of Pop Stars donating the proceeds of a single or concert to Charity?

Of course you have, it happens very year, especially at Christmas.

But do they really donate all the proceeds of these singles, and who exactly is checking up on this?

Also, if Said popstar earns 10,000 Euro from a single and donates exaclty that amount to a registered charity, then he/she may claim tax relief (in Ireland) of approximately 4,100 Euro. That is of course if they have paid sufficient tax in the current year at the higher rate...

So when a popstar says he/she is donating all the proceeds of a single to charity, is the tax rebait also considered a proceed??

Of course They dont like to talk about it mate!!

Lets make sure all this money (including the taxpayers) is going to the worthy causes///

SAm Crea

My three favourites (Thank you nick hornby)

2008-05-18T16:39:00.000+01:00

my three, all-time favourite sitcom characters.

1 Homer simpson (The Simpsons)
2 Norm Peterson (cheers)
3 George Costanza (Seinfeld)

Is there a common link here I wonder,
all fat,
all self centered,
all blissfully unaware of the needs of others,
unthinking of other human beings in their quest to attain the next beer/ doughnut / clean public toilet.

Well I'm not fat...

Quick Question

2008-05-15T02:05:00.000+01:00

Now that the smoking Ban is well and truly established and smoking in most pubs is now a distant memory, I've been wondering about a certain group of people. Namely "Social Smokers". ie People who only smoke when they are on the piss. Now that having a smoke in a pub involves abandoning the company your in, to go stand in a dirty alley beside the pub to puff on a cigarette, surely the term is going to have to be "Re-phrased". How will social smokers now be referred to?? (and how could I not end that question with a preposition??)

Beer Snobbery

2008-05-12T03:16:00.000+01:00

People who is intelligent like,
They does like to sneer the people like,
For drinking the shitty beer like,
Cause it aint all hoppy and natural and shit - like,
Cause it aint got a German name like,
Erdinger and shit,
But Erdinger aint no shit like,
If you think so, then on yer bike..
Cause we is so cleverer than you,
Cause you is a heineken drinker
it dont make you no tinker!!!!

William Shakepear...

nearly thirty and newly single.

2008-05-04T17:05:00.001+01:00

So I'm going out on the Piss tonight with some of the boys, and decided to head down to my local Shopping center to get some new threads. My favourite jeans are beginning to rip under the crotch, and do need to be replaced. I walk into what claimed to be a diesel store, and looked around the jeans section...

"excuse me, sexy little shop assisstant, but can you point me in the direction of the mens jeans, please?"

"yes, they are here and here.."

She waves me in the direction of some very oddly shaped and flouncy looking jeans, that I had taken for the ladies section...

"OK thank you"

And I quickly exited the shop, took the escalator, and left the Center,

For Ever...

The Second hand is the third hand really..

2008-05-01T19:28:00.000+01:00

Hello folks, I have started to list a few of the blogs that I keep an eye on on the right hand side.
If you own one of these blogs and dont want me to list it then leave a message, cause I never check that Gmail account.

The Fixer

2008-04-30T22:53:00.000+01:00

Jack dug his hand deep in his short summer jacket, leaned into the rain and walked quickly to the pub. He dodged women with shopping bags and buggies, and men on their way to important places with suits and briefcase style bags. They didn’t actually seem to have briefcases any more, but every body had a bag of some description.

The rain came from every direction, as did the wind. His light shoes were soaked through already, but he'd just a little further to go. All the time the flashes from last night went through his head. He would soon not have to worry about them. He walked into the dip and pushed the inner door.

The sounds of the street outside disappeared, and the warmth hit him. It was just after ten in the morning but there were already four or five groups of men huddled around tables, with another dozen along the bar. Conversations were muted at the moment. It would take an hour or so.

“Alright Jackie”

“howeya mick, give us a pint will ye!”

The Barman selected a pint glass and gave it a quick check for smudges before snapping down the handle on the Guinness Tap. The hiss was reassuring. He placed the pint glass up on the counter between the taps and Jack. He would have to wait a little longer. Swirling clouds of creamy coloured gas, arranged themselves into ever darkening cascades that swam to the bottom of the glass, disappearing into a black oblivion. The hurried and excited gas cascades became more gentle as the black oblivion misted up the glass till it rested completely still beneath the creamy head. The Barman then took the pint, filled it to the top and placed it in front of Jack. He paid him and took the pint to a table opposite the bar.

He laid the pint down and walked to the front door for a cigarette. He smoked it quickly sheltering almost fully from the weather in the alcove. When he was finished he flicked the cigarette into the street and walked back inside.

He sat down picking up the pint as he did so, and pulled hard on it. It was cold, and the cream cooled his upper lip. The cool stout quenching a wild thirst, and soon other fires. He closed his eyes as he drank, afraid to breathe even. This first drink today, the fixer as he liked to call it, would be the best. No other drink today would be this good, he had to savour the intimacy, between his soul and this black beast that gripped him every day. He took three more drinks consecutively. He relaxed. There were 6 messages unread on his mobile. He had a feeling who they were from, and maybe after another pint he would read them.

Getting the Decorators in

2008-04-17T02:44:00.000+01:00

I will soon be having the decorators in, and this Bland nondescript Blog, will come alive!
There will be fabulous fonts, Beautiful Borders, groovy graphics and other alliterative wonders!

I promise there will be things moving about (maybe a bit of pink for the gays and joethemamma) links to movies on youtube... Nice little clicky things that bring you to other interesting sites...

And then....

The piste de resistance...

There will be interesting posts...

I'm not sure how I will manage this, maybe a bit of copying and pasting from other blogs, or I might hire some funny writer...

I may have to self deprecate a bit more, to make up for the lack of content, and hope I get a sympathtic laugh..

anyways stay tuned.

SAm

teh, tehn, adn

2008-03-31T12:24:00.000+01:00

Can anybody help me??

every time i type the, I get teh

then is tehn,

and is adn

Can anybody help???

Its driving me nuts....

FREE SPEECH! FREE COMMENTARY!

2008-03-31T12:15:00.000+01:00

I love to comment on other peoples blogs. I like giving opinions and making what I consider to be witty remarks from time to time. Of course the blogger and other viewers have every right to ignore my comment, or deride or disagree or whatever. Often sometimes I make comments on the spur of the moment that I disagree with later... But I do try not to offend, or bully or whatever may be deemed to be against the run of things...
And of course I understand that lots of people do break the rules, are offensive and do spam blogs.

However in this time of instant gratification and nano-second technology, do we really need 9 mins to think about our message and then an indefinite wait while our comment is under "moderation"
I mean why not give out your home address and we can send in our comments on a post card?

And as for the box with the little wavey writing... Please type what you see in the box.... Please find somebody else to comment on your blog!!

Bloggers are great, but sometimes its the commentry that really makes it... lets remove the barriers, Let the comments run free!!!

The crime its OK to like

2008-03-06T12:58:00.000Z

I Heard about two minutes of an interview between Gerry Ryan and some scottish fraudster last night. It was a replay of the mornings show. It made me laugh, but not in a good way. Ryan was chatting and joshing, like he might with an old school chum, and generally licking the arse of this fellow. He thought this criminal was great. He stole money from banks, I think I couldnt listen to too much of it, and then took expensive holidays, flights and went on spending sprees in general. He was a "Catch Me if You Can" type of character. And all the while we were lead to believe by Ryans joshing and laughing that this guy was great. It is after all OK in the views of well off Irish people, that if we are sticking it to faceless financial institutions that it is some how OK, a bit of a lark,
Sure they can afford it, and they rip people Off all the time...

Well just so you Know Mr Ryan, I am pretty Sure that there are lots of poor young men in all the suburbs of Dublin, and from the inner city areas who believe that fat rich radio presenters are fair game too. That they can afford to be ripped off, and sure they probably ripped people off themselves...

If we are going to start thinking that fraud and crime is OK, then it has to be all OK, not just whatever suits your mood for the day.

It reminded me of when I was loaned a Book By Howard Marks back when I was in College (it was written , not loaned by Howard Marks). I read about 3 chapters before I swiftly returned it to its owner. Here was a criminal (purporting to be some robin hood figure) telling us how clever he was, and of all the many ways that he was cleverer than everybody else. No tongue in cheek, no cleverly disguised admission of how he was so clever, but barefaced outright declaration that he was the cleverest and coolest of us all. But what I drew from reading those opening chapters was that he was a drug smuggler, and a smug wanker and nothing more. And I watched all the dope kids who never read any other books reading this, and saying how great it is.

Now I am not saying I am anti drugs, or even anti Dope smuggling, I smoked and I inhaled and I choose not to anymore. I dont care if people smoke, or what they smoke but why do we have to buy into this cool crime. Crime that it s OK to joke about. Its like the drunken student stealing a Traffic cone that might seem like mad crack, and look at me with a cone on my head. I am breaking the law but, its nothing I would ever get sent to jail for, and look I am still much better than those guys in the tracksuits and nikes outside the childrens court. They are real criminals, they even look like criminals...

Charity Pop Stars

2008-03-03T10:48:00.000Z

I heard part (most of) an interview between Ryan Tubridy and Annie Lennox last week on Radio 1. I think none of us could be in any doubt about the talents of Ms Lennox and her Contribution to the Music World over the past decade or two.

But like many popstars, Ms Lennox is now lending the weight of her public profile to the solving of the worlds problems. Her main target it seems is the aids epidemic of Africa, with particlular emphasis on South Africa.

So we got to hear for twenty minutes or so, about these terrible situations, how we have too much, and these people have so little, blah, blah fucking blah!

Blah.

Fucking Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!

Fuck off pop stars.

Just fuck off.

We dont all have Too Much

We are not all millionaires.

Fuck Off!

I am sorry that you would love to tour more, but find it too exausting!

Boo, fucking hoo!

We dont all have too much, no

Lots of us are exausted daily making our livings, and still dont have too much.

I really wish you popstars would find some other ways to fill you endless days.

When was the last time Annie lennox sat in shitty traffic, or flew coach, or worried about a bill, or any of the other things that regular people worry about. Do charity work if you want, but please give us a break, and spare us the lectures..

SAm

Book search

2008-03-01T15:07:00.000Z

Walking towards the Bookshop, my hands began to get a little sweaty. I hadnt been out among the people for some time now and with a little luck I would be able to find the Book without talking to any of them.

Best Sellers, New Releases, Irish Fiction, Cookery,
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Shot down every time.
I knew the cover.
I knew what I was looking for.
It had to be here.
I had to avoid the people. I circled around and had another sweep , of what I thought were, all the relevant categories.

No sign of it. I began to worry. Was this another one of my things. Was this real. Was I really supposed to be looking for this book. It was real. Hell even Monkey Balls had read it, and he assured us it was funny. OK this took too much effort, I wasnt leaving empty handed. I accosted one of the gangly young attendants.

Excuse me, I'm er, Im looking for a book now see, ah, the authors name is Twenty Major. Its an internet handle type...

Thats a strange name,

huh! Yeah. But can you search..

Hang on.. Enters Major Twenty in the author search bar. One answer returns John Major. Tries major 20. same result. tries major. same result. I try to suggest that major isnt a last name that its all one title. he types major 20. major twenty . major

0. 0. 0.

If its not here, then its not in any of easons warehouses, you crazy looking man....
hey whats wrong with your hands. the sweat is drippping off them...

But monkey balls.. he said easons Im sure of it. I mean Monkey is real isnt he.. this is all real..

OK thanks never mind. If anybody asks I was just fooling around. OK.

I mean a book written by a pack of cigarettes, WHAT, have you been smoking..

SAmbo Heaven

2008-02-25T00:38:00.000Z

LOw CAlorie VErsion

For the ultimate SAmbo, you will need,

2 slices of toasted white sliced bread, preferrably JMOB. The Dubs out there will invariably opt for Brennans Shiny Yellow wrapper, but the choice of bread is a personal one, and not too important.

The first layer should be your Irish red cheddar cheese. some good brands are Charleville, Mitchelstown or Kilmeadon. Onto the cheese I like to drop a few blobs of country Relish. Now onto this You drop two strips of recently fried (preferrably hot) Bacon, with the fat trimmed - This is the Low Cal version. Atop your now slightly melted cheese and Bacon you should now place two pieces of fried Clonakilty(my preference again) Black pudding. The two slices should be slightly squashed flat on a plate to better fit your SAmbo.

Next a healthy squeeze of heinz Tomato Ketchup.

The SAmbo should be served immediatley, with hot tea.

A side serving of King, Cheese and onion Crisps is optional.

This SAmbo should only be eaten as part of a balanced, Calorie controlled Diet.

SAm

Good Luck Glen

2008-02-18T16:15:00.000Z

Even though I know he annoyed me in the past, I hope The guy wins the oscar. I read an article in the sunday business post about him yesterday, which shed some new light on him. He is still King of the Crustys though...

Good Luck Glen

Sam

crosaire

2008-02-18T15:47:00.000Z

to solve this you must turn part of these repetitive prayers, know why? with our busses and trains and how they are so organised.....

Sorry for this amateurish attempt, but I am sure that any Crossite will easily have gotten it...

Anyways, I decided that after years of Simplex it was time for The Big One.. Crosaire. So for the past month I have tried to master this puzzle that bubbles brains all over Ireland daily in The Irish Times.

There is only one way to do this, and that is to have a go, keep the paper, and fill in the answers the next day. Its like homework all over again.

The most boring thing that anyone you mention Crosaire to, can say is, you have to get into his thinking, (including people who dont do the puzzle surprisingly) , but it is sort of true.

He has a couple of different ways of providing the answer, and you have to just learn the patterns. But you do have to have a good vocab as well, and sometimes the words which he gives you are rarely used terms that you never heard of, so you have to be sharp. You do also have to have a good ability to think laterally, ie not logically.

Speaking of ie, there are a number of other word construct clues he gives

About this RE
that is IE
I see IC

This is just a couple there are more, and more confusingly about this is often used to tell you to break one word and wrap it round another to create a bigger word...

It goes on and on

North and South are used to suggest N and S

1 often suggests i,

bad back means Dab in other words reversed..

And then he is just downright cryptic some times with no clues as to the word construction.

It can be rewarding though if you start to get the hang of it, but it takes work..

I would say try it today, but it takes longer than that..

Enjoy you will though

SAm

10 good places to get a Pint in Dublin

2008-02-17T13:43:00.000Z

These are 10 places I can say I have enjoyed pints,
I mean Guinness now obviously..
I am not saying they are the best but..

They are the kind of place where you can immerse yourself for an extended afternoon with out having to worry about whether there is any toilet roll in the fridge the next day...

Though as an aside for you lager swilling swine, if the guinness is good, the quality of all beers should be good..

This is in no particular order

Kehoes, South Anne St
Grogans (Castle Inn) aaahhh, em.. South King St??? -near Break for the border..
Hogans, Dame St . Used to be good though havent been in for a while.
Mc Daids, opposite street to Kehoes
O Donoghues, Baggot street (although the remodelled thing mote to look like this pub- even though its unrelated- aint bad)
Slatterys, Rathmines.
The Stags Head, Off Georges St
The Oak, Dame St.
Farringtons, Temple Bar
leeson Lounge, Leeson St

Why not try some of them out, or better still take 10 days off work, and try them all. We all know that you can not judge any pub properly unless we have gotten completely and purley drunk on their product, and their product alone.

Try them today

SAm

Thank God for - Seinfeld

2008-02-14T23:15:00.000Z

Or Sine-Field as Pat Kenny likes to call him...

I heard Ardal O Hanlon say in an interview once that he would love to have his own chatshow so he could interview Neil Armstrong for half an hour and not mention the moon once. Pat Kenny tried the same trick with Jerry Seinfeld on last years Toyshow, but I dont think anybody else got it. (I was in on it Pat)

anyways, having been a bit of a late developer, I came late to Seinfeld. I never saw it when it originally aired, mainly I suppose because RTE never showed it. This was probably for political and religious views expressed in the shows(there is a pro-abortion view expressed in at least a couple of episodes) although maybe I am wrong and the biggest show in the US just wasnt to the taste of Irish audiences.

Well thank God for the DVD box-set. We can now choose to watch what we want to watch. And watch I have, all 9 Series, and here are my favourite episodes

The Jacket
The Note
The Parking garage
The Red Dot
The Contest
The Outing
The non-fat yogurt
The soup Nazi
The merv Griffin Show

For a full episode listing

Episodes

I cant pinpoint my favourite but its a toss up between the soup nazi and the outing, or maybe the red dot. In my humble opinion series 3 was the absolute best.

In the days of Reality television, CSI and all the other shit on TV I say,

Thank god for the DVD boxset, Thank God for Seinfeld.

SAm

Twenty Major and the Race Question

2008-01-30T02:31:00.000Z

I am writing this piece in response to a recent post, and the subsequent responses to that post by the well known Blogger Twenty Major. You can view the post below:

Twenty's Post

In this Post TM describes a person who works in his local shop who he has taken a dislike to. The ins and outs of their dealings are largely irrelevant here, except for his describing The said shopkeeper as:

" He’s a rather swarthy looking individual ..."

Whether or not TM was aware of the exact definition of the word 'swarthy' are unclear to me. If he had used the word in error, and meant to use another word say sleazy, or smarmy or whatever, then there would be no issue.

However Swarthy is defined as being of a Dark complexion, dark skinned. I cannot understand how it could be construed as anything else, it cannot be used to describe any trait or way of acting, it describes skin complexion, full stop.

OK so then the comments on the Page about the post turn a bit nasty and start to discuss the N word, which is used as a derogatory manner to describe black skinned people. It should be noted at this point that, the Twenty Major Blog is not a place for the faint hearted, commenters regularly use vulgar language, and the blog itself contains gratuitious bad language sex jokes etc.
How ever I was amazed to hear Twenty Major in the comments himself berating, and even threatening to ban from the site a commenter who was using the N word.

My point in all this is that TM had referred to somebody who he doesnt like(the swarthy shop keeper), and he has quite categorically told us that he is dark skinned. So was he not being racist himself? As it happens I dont think so. I have only been reading his posts for six months or so, and find it to be funny and entertaining, often the most entertaining parts coming in the commentary. He talks of imaginary(certainly hyperbolic) friends and situations and things that get on his nerve etc. and every so often gives us nice little writings with twists in the tale(often violent but always funny) I hope he just slipped up and used the wrong word, and then forgot to tell us,

I wanted to comment but I missed the thread, and then wanted to post in todays blog, but I think my comment might be too long, so I will mail him the link and he can comment or not

"its all the fucking same to me"

Just to very importantly point out, I am not a sandle wearing, flower in the hair love and peace type, or anything like it. I am probably as racist as the next fellow(its in our nature to protect our own tribes) but civilisation asks things of us, and to belong to civilisation we must behave in certain ways, and the most important ways we do that is by treating each other with respect. I had always gotten the impression that TM was a major advocate of Civilisation(amid all the coarse language and smut) and so I hope that there was no double standard here. I Fully agree that the "N" word is wholly unacceptable, but so in my opinion is describing a swarthy person who you dont like(be he real or imagined)

Thanks for *Reading

SAm Crea

* I dont mean the place outside London, not that there's anything wrong with reading, or anybody from there, its just that I was thanking you for Reading(verb) this article.

Valentines For Newbes.....

2008-01-28T18:22:00.000Z

OK Folks,

Christmas is a distant memory, new Years is a suppressed one and Its almost Valentines day. Those of you with Lovers will have to come up with some way to be romantic, those of you without Lovers will have to make jokes about romance and lovers, and then go out on a wild drinking session and try to snag a lover without any Romance. Then there are those who have people who were their lovers, and romantic partners, but the sheen is long gone from the union.

Valentines will be just another Festivity that you wish would just go away and stop bothering you. Another pressure to show Romance. But what the sellers of cards, and chocolates and flowers fail to advertise is the fact that Romance is for the young, the lustful and the Foolish.. It doesnt work well on older models, its unnecessary, The job is done - The Fish has been landed.

And Ladies, Girls if you have a man for a considerable period of time, and you are hoping that he might break the habit of the last few years and get romantic this Year, well dont.

Because chances are, if he does, it will have nothing to do with you. Romance only happens at the start of the cycle.

Sam

Tommy Tiernan - OK Baby

2008-01-17T02:30:00.000Z

One of the oddities of 21st century Ireland, is that an impulse purchase of a DVD at 2am in your local supermarket, is no longer a dream - its a reality. And the other night between fondling mangoes and stroking bananas I came across the DVD rack at tesco, where I spotted the latest Offering from Irelands favourite Comedian. I tossed it merrily in my basket..

I hastened to the self-service check-out, where as usual my haste was stunted by the frustration of trying to scan my own goods. As I swung a packet of rich tea biscuits with my left, and a cadburys cream egg with my right I failed to register any satisfying "BLEEP". I repeated my swing left and right each time varying the angle and the depth of the swings, no doubt akin from afar to some lunatic trying to conduct an imaginary orchestra! Head down, Left-right, Left-right......
"BLEEP"
Thank God...
Just twenty more items....

About an hour later I left and headed for home.

A large pot of tea was brewed, and the newly purchased rich-tea biscuits were opened for this special occassion. The Selophane wrapper was removed and the disc inserted to the player. Headphones on, there could be no volume control here, we needed to hear the jokes, the laughter - The Master!

Sit Back and enjoy,

Or not.....

It seems this paticular show was filmed during a Dublin comedy festival last june. The fact that this was six-months before his latest live-show Bovinity may have been the reason for this poor showing.

There were flashes of the Tommy of Old, the Tommy we all know and love, Jokes about being your average Irish Bloke, jokes about living in ireland. He made me laugh out loud a couple of times, but only a couple of times.

There was some sex-jokes that were unnecessarily over the top, and at least one about different people laid out on beds... An irish woman with a person with a bad polish accent, and even some bizzarre piece about the Irish President, Mary Mc Alleese.

It seemed that Tommy thought maybe he had to be controversial. I am not sure. I mean Controversial, just doesnt work any more. Reality TV shows have lowered the effectiveness of controversy to nil or below. It can also be argued that at a live comedy show there is a unique relationship between comic and audience and what may seem risque afterward was merely a bit of in-the-spirit-of-the-moment ad-libbing. This may be the case, but it should not then be packaged and foisted upon an unsuspecting midnight shopper!

I did enjoy parts of the show, but Tiernan didnt seem in control of the performance, and the jokes and/or routines seemed half baked. A few times throughout the show I got the feeling that he knew the Material wasn't working and he merely moved on, abandoning a piece and starting a new one.

I didnt manage to get along to see "Bovinity" at Christmas, But I hope he had gotten his act together by then. This show just seemed ill conceived, unpolished or just plain Lazy. Put TT on and they will come! And they did, but for how long?? If Tiernan had any artistic temperament, then he would never have let this show out on disc. He would have cut his losses, and taken the financial hit. I just hope he wasnt begginning to feel a downward spiral and was making hay while the sun shined. Maybe his almost constant shouting throughout this show, was born out of frustration with a failing talent...

But I suspect that he was just being sloppy, or Lazy. And he said to hell with them, they'll buy it.
I hope I am right and that Irelands favourite comedian comes back, and shrugs off this set back. I hope Bovinity was better. I hope people give him another chance.

Easily annoyed...

2008-01-10T15:21:00.000Z

One thing, that can really get on my nerve, especially early in the morning, is the bus lane indicator..
These are people who drive in bus lanes with their indicator on, even though the next turn isnt for another kilometer. Its as if to say look at me, I'm in the buslane, but I'm turning off so I'm not really breaking the law.
Here's my point. I dont give a She-ite where you drive as long as you keep out of my way, and if you do meet a guard you will get a ticket, notwithstanding your little blinking light...

So go in the buslane if need be, but leave the blinkers off,

Thanks

Sam C

Monday Night Comedy, They CAll it.

2008-01-07T23:56:00.000Z

It all started with Jake Stevens at 9.30.

Sorry PJ but this is the biggest pile of shite that has called itself comedy in a long while. End of Story. Its been done, and its been done better. When you copy, you should emulate.. I cannot believe people paid you for these tapes. I hope it gets better, but Ill never know, cause Iv seen enough...

Then came the Panel. Oh Jesus the Panel, all that kept me watching was the blonde Beauty, whose name and opinions escape me, for some reason... When they sit down to copy successful TV formulae from the BBC (most notably 'Have I got news For You') They should Realise that the participants on that show, had Style, Grace, Timing and most importantly of all,......
Script Writers.

One of the Chaps this evening got horribly caught out trying to adlib something about chimpanzees and a Giraffe. It was embarassing, and I'd like to point out he was a goodish performer..

The joke of the night went to the gruesomely bespectacled Ed Byrne. They were talking about people ending up looking like their pets, and he said he had a pet Johnny Depp...

Then from somewhere on stage right, appeared 'The Roaring Twenties'.
Had Been looking forward to this all day, and guess what? Its a pile of shite.
One or two of the characters looked promising, most notably the dole bludger writer/director, but it was just a pile of very annoyingly, over-narrated shite.

And there endeth Monday night Comedy for me.

SAm

Glen Hansard can go to hell

2008-01-03T03:24:00.000Z

So we now have the king of the crusty student types, coming out to complain that the new Irish are a shower of shallow, vulgar swine.

and That the assholes you see around Dublin now-adays that have too much money, are a symptom of some moral problems in this country.

That he is embarrassed by the way we are aping the behaviour of our friends in The US. Well since people have been making lots of money for a long time aping their music, how could he expect us not to try copying their other behaviours.

Sounds like someone who doesnt like others getting on the money bandwagon, that he has been on for 15 years..

Money doesnt create assholes, assholes are born, and lots of them tend to surround themselves with the monied, even if they have none themselves. Hence the illusion that money creates assholes - When in fact It attracts them!

But of Course if you make a living whinging and whining haunting and lamenting tunes, you dont want your homeland run wild with crazied-up consumer junkies, high on a visa buzz and driving shiny cars...

Keep Em in their boxes Glen!

SAm Crea

The New Year Again

2008-01-03T03:19:00.000Z

So now we have another new year. But for how long? When does a new year cease to be so and become the year, or the current year.

Christmas is over thank god.

Time for more resolutions.

No Beer.

No Fags.

More exercise.

Eat better.

But it only has to last for the new year.

Ha.

In the Beginning...

2007-08-02T16:21:00.000+01:00

So Here I am..

In the Blogo-Sphere. I am here to share my thoughts with you all. Its not as easy as it looks though, I used up all my creative juices coming up with the Password. Its really good though. Course I cant tell you what it is...

I am not sure what form this blog will take, what Ill talk about or if it will live past the end of this sentence...

Ooops!

Still here. We survived.

OK

so it will get interesting.

Stay tuned

Sam